Everyone talks about “mind over matter” like it’s just about willpower or positive thinking.
- Push through.
- Think positive.
- Control your thoughts.
- Just decide to feel better.
But here’s what they don’t tell you.
Your mind isn’t working against you randomly.
It’s following specific patterns that you can learn to recognise.
For years, I thought mind over matter meant forcing myself to think differently.
I tried positive affirmations, challenged my thoughts, told myself to “just be positive.”
None of it stuck because I was still trapped in the same mental patterns running on repeat.
After 28 days in a Thai meditation retreat, I discovered something that changed things.
There are 7 specific mental patterns that keep intelligent people stuck.
Once you see them clearly, you can step outside them instead of being controlled by them.
This isn’t about willpower.
It’s about recognition.
Real mind over matter starts with understanding what your mind is actually doing.
Pattern 1: The Replay Pattern
What it is:
Constantly replaying past conversations, mistakes, or situations in your head, unable to let them go.
How it shows up:
That conversation from three years ago that you still think about.
The thing you said at that meeting that you keep analysing.
The mistake that won’t leave your mind no matter how many times you’ve gone over it.
You know the one.
The conversation where you said something awkward, or didn’t stand up for yourself, or handled it completely wrong.
Your mind keeps replaying it, searching for what you should have said, how you could have done it differently.
Why it happens:
Your mind believes if it replays the situation enough times, it will finally find the “right” answer or the way you should have handled it.
It thinks it’s problem-solving.
It thinks it’s helping you learn.
The truth:
The replay doesn’t solve anything.
It just keeps you stuck in the past instead of living in the present moment.
You’re not learning from the experience, you’re just suffering through it repeatedly.
How to recognise it:
Notice when you’re mentally rehearsing or reviewing something that’s already happened.
Ask yourself: “Am I actually in that moment right now, or am I just thinking about it?”
If you’re just thinking about it, that’s the Replay Pattern running.
Pattern 2: The Catastrophe Pattern
What it is:
Jumping to worst-case scenarios before you have any real evidence about what will happen.
How it shows up:
“If I make this mistake, I’ll lose my job, then I’ll lose my house, then I’ll end up homeless…”
- Your mind creates an entire disaster movie from one small problem.
- You send an email with a typo and immediately imagine getting fired.
- Your partner seems quiet and you’re convinced they’re about to leave you.
- A slight pain becomes a terminal illness in your mind within seconds.
Why it happens:
Your mind thinks it’s protecting you by preparing for the worst.
But it’s actually creating anxiety about things that haven’t happened and probably never will.
It mistakes catastrophising for being prepared.
The truth:
This pattern doesn’t prepare you for reality. It just makes you suffer through imagined disasters.
You’re experiencing the emotional pain of events that aren’t actually occurring.
How to recognise it:
Notice when you’re creating stories about the future without any evidence.
Ask yourself: “Is this actually happening right now, or am I catastrophising?”
If you’re imagining disasters rather than responding to real situations, that’s the Catastrophe Pattern.
Pattern 3: The Multiple Selves Pattern
What it is:
Becoming different versions of yourself depending on who you’re with or what situation you’re in.
How it shows up:
- The people-pleaser appears when you feel rejected.
- The angry version takes over when you feel controlled.
- The withdrawn one emerges when you’re overwhelmed.
- The confident you shows up at work, but at home you’re a different person entirely.
- You feel like you’re constantly adjusting who you are based on who’s in the room.
- You can’t quite remember what you actually think or feel because it keeps changing depending on the situation.
Learn more about how to stop overthinking these automatic responses.
Why it happens:
These versions were created to help you cope with difficult situations.
The people-pleaser protected you from rejection.
The angry one kept you from being controlled.
But now they run automatically, even when the situation doesn’t call for that response.
The truth:
You’re not living as one integrated person.
You’re switching between versions based on old wounds, not current reality.
None of these versions is the real you, they’re all coping mechanisms that have become habits.
How to recognise it:
Notice when you feel like you’re “putting on” a different personality.
Ask yourself: “Is this actually me right now, or is this an old coping mechanism?”
If you feel like you’re playing a role rather than being yourself, that’s the Multiple Selves Pattern.
Pattern 4: The Comparison Pattern
What it is:
Constantly measuring yourself against others and finding yourself lacking.
How it shows up:
Scrolling through social media and feeling worse about your life with every post.
Seeing someone’s success and feeling like a failure.
Always noticing what others have that you don’t…better job, better relationship, better body, better life.
Someone shares their achievement and instead of feeling happy for them, you feel inadequate.
You can’t enjoy your own accomplishments because you’re too busy measuring them against everyone else’s.
Why it happens:
Your mind thinks comparison will motivate you to improve.
It thinks pointing out your inadequacies will push you to do better.
But it actually just makes you feel rubbish about yourself.
The truth:
You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.
It’s not a fair or useful comparison.
And even when you do “win” the comparison, it never feels like enough because there’s always someone else to compare yourself to.
How to recognise it:
Notice when you’re measuring your worth against someone else’s achievements.
Ask yourself, “Am I actually competing with this person, or is my mind just creating unnecessary suffering?”
If looking at someone else’s life makes you feel bad about yours, that’s the Comparison Pattern.
Pattern 5: The Problem-Solving Pattern
What it is:
Believing you must constantly think about your problems to solve them, even when there’s nothing you can actually do right now.
How it shows up:
Lying awake at 3am trying to solve tomorrow’s problems.
Obsessing over situations you can’t control.
Analysing problems instead of living your life.
- Your mind won’t let you rest because it’s convinced constant thinking equal’s progress.
- You’re at dinner with friends but not really present because you’re mentally working through that issue at work.
- You’re on holiday but can’t relax because your mind is churning through problems back home.
Why it happens:
Your mind believes constant thinking equals problem-solving.
It thinks if it just analyses the problem enough, the solution will appear.
But most of this thinking is just mental churning that doesn’t lead anywhere.
The truth:
Real problem-solving happens in focused moments when you can actually take action.
The rest is just rumination disguised as productivity.
You’re not solving anything, you’re just suffering through thinking about it.
How to recognise it:
Notice when you’re thinking about a problem but can’t actually do anything about it right now.
Ask yourself, “Can I act on this right now?
If not, why am I thinking about it?”
If you can’t take action, that’s the Problem-Solving Pattern running.
Pattern 6: The Perfectionism Pattern
What it is:
Setting impossible standards for yourself and feeling like a failure when you don’t meet them.
How it shows up:
- Never feeling like your work is good enough.
- Procrastinating because if you can’t do it perfectly, why bother?
- Beating yourself up over small mistakes.
- Spending hours perfecting something that no one else will notice or care about.
You finish a project and immediately see all the flaws.
Someone compliments your work and you can only think about what you could have done better.
You hold yourself to standards you’d never apply to anyone else.
Why it happens:
Your mind thinks perfectionism will make you successful.
It thinks if you’re hard enough on yourself, you’ll finally be good enough.
But it actually just creates anxiety and paralysis.
The truth:
Perfectionism isn’t about excellence.
It’s about fear of judgement and not feeling good enough.
It’s not making you better, it’s just making you miserable.
How to recognise it:
Notice when you’re holding yourself to standards that you’d never apply to anyone else.
Ask yourself, “Am I pursuing excellence, or am I just afraid of being judged?”
If the standard feels impossible and punishing, that’s the Perfectionism Pattern.
Pattern 7: The Future Worry Pattern
What it is:
Living in constant anxiety about things that haven’t happened yet and might never happen.
How it shows up:
“What if…” thoughts that create stress about the future.
- Planning for every possible negative outcome.
- Never feeling at ease because you’re always worried about what’s coming next.
- What if the presentation goes badly?
- What if they don’t like me?
- What if I make a mistake?
- What if everything falls apart?
Your mind runs through endless scenarios of things going wrong.
Why it happens:
Your mind thinks worrying about the future will help you prepare for it.
It confuses anxiety with preparedness, as if feeling worried somehow makes you more ready.
The truth:
You’re suffering through problems that don’t exist yet.
And most of them never will.
Worry doesn’t equal preparation, it’s just suffering in advance for events that probably won’t happen.
How to recognise it:
Notice when you’re creating stress about the future.
Ask yourself: “Is this happening right now?
If not, why am I suffering over it?”
If you’re worried about something that hasn’t occurred, that’s the Future Worry Pattern.
True Mind Over Matter Means Recognition, Not Control
Real mind over matter isn’t about forcing your thoughts to change.
It’s about recognising these 7 patterns when they show up and choosing not to engage with them.
I spent years trying to control my thoughts through willpower.
- Positive affirmations.
- Challenging every negative thought.
- Trying to think differently.
It never worked because I was still playing by the patterns’ rules.
I was still engaging with them, fighting them, trying to change them.
Once I learnt to recognise them, to see them clearly, I could step outside them.
Now, when the Replay Pattern starts running, I notice it in about 20 seconds and choose differently.
When the Catastrophe Pattern kicks in, I recognise it and return to what’s actually happening right now.
When the Multiple Selves Pattern appears, I see it and choose to respond as my integrated self instead.
The patterns will still show up, they’re habits our minds have developed over years.
But once you see them clearly, they lose their power over you.
You’re no longer trapped in them because you can recognise when they’re running.
That’s real mind over matter.
Not control.
Recognition.
Read more about my journey.
Your Next Step
You can learn to do the same.
The patterns will still show up, but once you see them clearly, you can step outside them instead of being controlled by them.
Ready to break free from these patterns?
Download “The Loop Breaker Guide: 15 Mental Patterns That Keep You Stuck (And How to Break Them)” and discover some of the patterns running your life… plus the specific steps to step outside each one.
